5'10" 120lbs of Awesome.

Doctor Mambo.

2008-09-23T19:58:51Z

Man, my horoscope was spot-on today. I have been going a mile per minute for the last week and today I just want to curl up and die for a little while. Nothing permanant, perhaps three or four minutes and then you can revive me. That being said, it really is not an option because I still have to go paint the old apartment's walls white again and then move my monsterous fishtank somehow. -- Did I mention I was in the middle of moving? Well I am. I'd say I'm 90% finished as well. Alright, one more day of chaos; coming up. Hoorah!

I've been stroking a bad charm.

2008-08-27T09:08:29Z

Jeffie-puff demands post’age, so here we go.

I had a wild itch to get some new metal put in so I grabbed my girlfriend and ran down to a tat/piercing parlor that had pretty good reviews from Yelp. I am in love. With pain; at the very least. I had my hood, ears, and lower-navel pierced in this particular sitting while said girlfriend had her monroe done. I vaguely recall screaming like a girl followed by yelling a slew of profanities when my hood was pierced, the other piercings were relatively uneventful, at least I did not scream ‘fuck me’ and frighten the children in the waiting room… again. Though ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck’ certainly seemed to be my manta of the day.

Just to get all of the vulgarities out of the way the piercer was hot as fuck and it took all traces of will power to refrain from saying ‘While you’re down there…’.

Moving on.

A couple days later here we are. My hood has given me no trouble and no pain (Much to Jeffie’s dismay I am sure). My belly button was not friggin’ happy for the first day or two and now it is also free of pain. My ears on the other hand, Jesus. I sleep in the fetal position, thus on my ears. These damned things have been bleeding on and off for days. Something tells me they are going to give me shit for a few weeks.

Today I dragged my sorry ass into a chiropractor’s office for the first time. Once more, I am in love. At first he was just rubbing the muscles and checking for tenderness, there was none and I started to think that I was crazy and all of my pain was psychosomatic. Then he started taking measurements. A long story short; despite having impossibly perfect posture all of my life I have some freakish damage to the top of my spine, and all of my shoulder/neck/head pain was stemming from that. From between my shoulder blades all the way to the tip-top of my spine had to be realigned. After the doctor was finished I actually felt balanced for the first time in forever. I was starting to feel like Quasimodo or the Leaning Tower of Pisa, now I feel pretty damn decent. Oh and I got electrocuted for ten minutes, that was pretty damned awesome. I need one of those things in my bedroom. Juice me baby!

Lastly, dance was great, Tropic Thunder was fucking hilarious and Tom Cruise had the best monologue used in a movie, ever.

The end.

Say you're gonna stay forever!

2008-08-06T23:12:53Z

*Hobbles around* I'm too old for this shit.

No, actually I feel great. Now. Chris had to drag me out of the bed kicking and screaming at 1pm since I was still sleeping like a rock in a painkiller induced coma. Since Vee talked me into taking a dance class with her I feel like a rubbery noodle with a melted brain after every class. I am well aware of the fact that I am just out of shape, thanks.

Bleh time to register for real classes.

*Tweaks de nips*

The Story of O

2008-07-26T11:17:08Z

Hmm it’s fast approaching 4am and I am still awake. Typically the senseless amounts of vicodin I ingested would have put me on my ass hours ago but tonight I have been distracted by random small things and I haven’t even begun to feel the urge to sleep tugging at me yet. For one I've finally begun reading The Story of O, which I have been threatening to do for what seems like years and… eh.

On the topic of The Story of O-mygodthisisapieceofshit, …this book, Jesus. A book about hardcore bondage, modern day slave/master, of course I’m all over with, will bells on. The writing *Cringes* Well, I would rather be reading Anne Rice, and if you know me, that says a lot. It’s like a train wreck and I just can’t stop myself from looking. I don’t care for the lackluster descriptions and the scenes are so matter-of-factly delivered that you really don’t even get a visual. I am a pretty damned imaginative person, if I say I can’t get a visual then you can take that to the bank. But the main character is getting so … owned... from literally page one that I can’t help but wonder whatever can they possibly do now? On page five she’s already been gang banged and flogged until she nearly fainted, what can you possibly give me next? So I’ll continue to read this nightmare of a book anyway. It’s only 200 pages after all. Morbid curiosity is a beast.

I myself don’t particularly care for the hardcore torture without pleasure; I suppose I’m just not that kind of Sub. There are a few scenes thus far which I more or less appreciated, usually the moments where her lover is giving her some measure of comfort after she’s been abused, because that plays to my pain-reward natured desires, but then there are random scenes were she is woken up before dawn and beaten by a complete stranger then simply left and I kind of go … oh. Okay. No thanks.

I must be the spoiled-child version of a submissive. I fell down, now kiss it better!

Nom nom nom

2008-07-22T01:03:30Z

Ooh ooh ooh I had pizza last night, then a calzone this morning and some jalapeno poppers and... *Rubs her belly and sighs happily*

Dark Knight was epic. I am in love. So very in love. My desire to have adulterous relations with insane characters is beyond me as well. "Why so serious?" *Swoons* *Faints*

Right, cold shower then.

Nothing else to report on el capi'tan *Salutes*

Oh dear gawd.

2008-07-14T16:08:41Z

Why am I awake at 9am? Because I am bleeding like a stuck piglette.

*Holds her belly and rolls around* I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE. -- But the vicodin is quite nice-su.

That explains to some extent why I could not hold food down the last few days without being deathly ill. Still, even for me that is extreme. I was starting to feel bolemic, I was shirnking like a super model.

De plane boss, de plane!

2008-07-13T21:38:52Z

Let's see, where have I been..

i. The bartending gig was great if you don't count being hung over and hearing TUNAK TUNAK blasting for 8 hours. I love arabic music as much as the next person but Jesus. Evidently there are arabic covers of Back That Ass Up.. *beats her face into her desk*
ii. The Hulk was awesome. Liv Tyler is a babeski.
iii. Chris proposed, it was ever so romantic and the ring is perfect.
iv. I caught a stomach flu and have been throwing up for days.
v. I have been in a writing mood.
vi. I am taking fencing.

And that is the total sum of my existence as of late. I know, I even excite myself at times.

It's true that in the past I've been a nasty.

2008-06-28T17:11:00Z

You'll have your looks! Your pretty face!
And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Holy mother of Jesus. Too little blood in my alcohol stream. Last night was my uncle's Birthday so I went out to the bar to shoot some pool and say happy such-and-such. I was tanked due to my pre-bar drinking, then I ordered an adios mother fucker. It is not called that for kicks and giggles. Anyway, the guy I BS with at my favorite restauraut called me last night to fill in tonight (my brain is lagging, try to keep up with me here) bartending at one of their catering events. I am somewhere between not wanting to even smell liquor and still being impressed with the beautiful aquamarine foamy vomit I produced last night after getting car sick.

Anyway, I am sure I'll be peachy keen to pour drinks in a few hours. I just need to brush up on some of the complicated recipies really fast though. I used to have some two-hundred or so recipies memorized, but it's been a minute.

God damnit. What posesses me to commit liver homocide. This I do not know. But I did bump into a friend I haven't seen in about four years. He didn't recognize me at first so I pulled him aside for a second. I wonder if that is a good or bad thing. I guess I has a growed ups face now. We only exchanged a few words, then he randomly came over and insulted by pool skills so I punched him in the ribs. I know, I am a classy girl. Friggin angry portuguese women. Shouldn't be given liquor. I won two out of three games pitifully though, before my boyfriend more-or-less threw my drunk ass over his shoulder and escorted me out. -- I know! Classy.

So am I the only one who thinks this summer's movie line up is beasty? Forbidden Kingdom, The Strangers, The Hulk, Wall E, Hancock, Batman, The Mummy 3? Oh ho ho ho. I have wood. Big big big wood.

Bleeeeh. My dogs are not used to me getting out of bed before noon so they are both trying to get into my lap to resume napping. The last thing I need is a little heater box warming my tummy. Why am I such a softy? I love my little flea baggies. Come to think of it I wanna go back to bed too.

<3

2008-05-26T03:07:59Z

I had a dream, I was your hero
Damn, I wish I was your lover

Fooey. I was having a good day, then I got to movies and the theater was packed. I started feeling dizzy, then I'd look down at all the people in the crowd and get vertigo. I almost threw up on the row in front of me. Ten minutes into the movie I was crawling out of the theater. Pfffbbbtt.

... More importantly, I missed out on the new Indiana Jones movie. Damnit. >:O

More girl music.

2008-05-20T20:54:30Z

I just poured my heart out, there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water and call him up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry

The amazing flippy hair!
Stress is bad for the soul.

Girl music.

2008-05-19T01:27:38Z

I'm dancing in my room as if I was in the woods with you.

It's a party in a pen.

2007-11-07T06:25:32Z

http://consumerist.com/consumer/someone-think-of-the-children/popular-australian-toy-filled-with-ghb-319277.php Man, that article gave me wood. It’s a friggin’ Date Rape Pez Dispenser for children.

They describe it as a drug that is popular at raves, but fail to mention ‘only for the shifty guys who are just trying to knock you out for an hour so they can bang you in the bathroom and leave you to wake up in a urinal’. – I swear that never happened to me -shifty eyes-. In any event, don’t worry, I got everyone’s back.

http://cgi.ebay.com/NEW-Bindeez-ARCTIC-Themed-Refill-NIB_W0QQitemZ300169406416QQihZ020QQcategoryZ489QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD2VQQcmdZViewItem - He has 6 packs left assuming you can beat me to it.

I like how they’re being sold as an innocent toy, yet he’s charging forty-five bucks a pop. Watch out girls. Do not eat the plastic dots
inconspicuously floating in your drinks.